Why Real Conversation Is the Hardest Skill in Language Learning

Most people think they struggle with grammar.
But very often, what they really struggle with — is having something to say.

In over 22 years of teaching languages to students from across the world — in English, German, Ukrainian, Russian, and others — I’ve seen it again and again:

The problem is not always the language.
The problem is silence. Inside.

Real words, unreal reactions

Once, I said this to a class of adult Spanish-speaking students during a German lesson:

“There are three things that can ruin any relationship:
lending money, arguing about politics or religion,
and putting a woman between two men — or a man between two women.”

They understood every word.
But they looked at me and said: “We get the meaning… but we don’t see the problem.”

It was an honest response — and a cultural one.

Language is culture, not just vocabulary

In Latin America, sharing small amounts of money is common.
Politics and religion are discussed freely, even passionately.
And romantic drama is often seen as part of life — not a reason to break friendships.

In the U.S., politics and religion are taboo in classrooms.
Money is private. Relationship talk is sensitive.
Most teachers avoid these topics altogether.

In the Arab world, honor, gender, and faith are treated with extreme respect —
and many of these subjects wouldn’t be discussed publicly at all.

In Ukraine, Russia, and much of Eastern Europe —
these exact three topics are considered very real reasons to lose friends.
Ask anyone who’s lost money, fought over politics, or had a love triangle.

Same sentence. Different reactions. Because language carries culture — and culture drives meaning.

But that’s not the real problem either

The real problem is this:

Even after I explained the cultural meaning behind the phrase,
many students had nothing to say.

Not because they didn’t understand.
But because they didn’t know how to respond.

They didn’t have a personal opinion.
They didn’t know what they believed.
They didn’t know how they felt.

Even in their own language.

The silent classroom isn’t about English or German

It’s about thinking.
It’s about confidence.
It’s about being trained to repeat — not to reflect.

And that’s the true cost of “safe” language learning.
Most students are only taught how to say,
not how to mean.

Why most teachers avoid real conversation

Because it’s unpredictable.
Because it takes courage.
Because it reveals things you can’t control.

That’s why so many language lessons stick to:

  • My house.
  • My hobbies.
  • My daily routine.
  • My family.

These topics feel safe. But they’re empty.

We don’t live in these topics.
We live in contradiction, doubt, disagreement, discovery — and that’s where real conversation lives, too.

What I do instead

I don’t teach language as a school subject.
I teach it as a tool for survival, thinking, and connection.

And I always start with this simple line:

“There is no right or wrong answer to any question I ask.
There is only your answer.”

That’s when students begin to speak.
They stop waiting for permission.
They stop translating from their native language.
They start responding — not performing.

And they ask me in return: “What about you?”
I answer, too — in the same way they do: not with theory, but with my real voice.

That’s when the real lesson begins.

One method I use: two questions per word

When a student doesn’t know how to use a word, I teach them:

“Ask that word two questions.”

Not one — two.

One question isn’t enough. It only gives you a general idea.
But two questions help you find the exact meaning, form, case, and position.

  • What does this word refer to?
  • What is it doing in the sentence?

The answer tells you everything:
→ which case to use
→ which preposition
→ what comes before and after
→ how to build the logic of the phrase.

You don’t need to remember rules.
You need to learn how to ask the right questions.

That’s how grammar becomes invisible — and understanding becomes instinct.

Language is not rules. It’s rhythm.

Some students learn to feel the language.
They know when something sounds right — even if they can’t explain why.

Others follow scripts. They freeze when they don’t know “the rule”.

But here’s the truth: native speakers break rules all the time.
And fluent learners do too — with intention, not by accident.

It’s not about perfection.
It’s about comfort, flow, awareness — and freedom.

Final thought

If a student can explain themselves, navigate conversations, improvise, adapt — that’s fluency.

And if they’re not there yet, our job is not to fix them.
It’s to help them find their way.

There is no single method. No one-size-fits-all.
But there is one direction that works:

Forward.

Author: Tymur Levitin
Founder, lead teacher, and translator at Levitin Language School (Start Language School by Tymur Levitin)
22+ years of experience teaching students from 20+ countries across four continents

© Tymur Levitin

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