How culture, age, and gender shape goodbyes
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✍️ Author’s Column | Tymur Levitin
Founder, teacher, and translator at Levitin Language School
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One moment — two truths
Sometimes two songs tell the same story, yet sound as if they came from opposite banks of a river.
So it is with Alexander Marshal’s “Отпускаю” and Okean Elzy’s “Відпусти.”
Both are about farewell.
But one — about acceptance.
The other — about pleading.
One man lets go, however painful.
Another begs to be let go, even if no one is actually holding him.
为什么？
Because language is a mirror of culture, age, and inner truth.
And nowhere is this more visible than in saying goodbye.
Male perspective: letting go is not giving up
For some men, goodbye is a drama.
For others — like Marshal’s hero:
“Отпускаю, ну что поделаешь с тобой…”
Not because he no longer loves.
But because he loves — and respects the other’s choice.
He does not cling. He does not stage scenes. He does not humiliate himself.
He doesn’t chase after a woman who has already left in her mind.
Because a cracked cup will never be whole again.
This is not coldness. It is maturity.
The understanding that no one can be held by force.
If there is a fight, it is before — not after.
Young vs. mature
At 20, you want to prove, to win back, to fight.
But with age comes another truth:
If someone has left — they are already gone. Even if still standing next to you.
The adult formula is:
Letting go is not losing.
Letting go means not destroying the other — or yourself.
When fighting is too late
“You punch someone — and then what? Does that solve it? If she’s decided, she’ll leave anyway.”
Not every man understands this at 18.
Not every man — even at 40.
But there comes a moment when you realize:
- Scenes won’t bring anyone back
- Humiliation won’t make anyone stay
- Gifts won’t buy someone’s freedom
The time to fight is before, not after.
And once the decision is made — your choice is to accept it, or lose yourself.
Female side: it’s not always who you think that leaves
The female side is not in the mirror. It lives in its own space.
And it too is varied:
| Age | Reaction | What it hides |
|---|---|---|
| Girl (15–20) | Tears, drama | Fear of being forgotten |
| Young woman (20–30) | Silence, reproaches | Desire for recognition |
| Woman (30–45) | Quiet departure | Acceptance, reevaluation |
| Mature woman (50+) | Silence or warmth | Honesty and peace |
A woman may leave silently — yet suffer for long.
Or remain physically, but leave with her heart a year earlier.
Her pain takes another shape.
She does not let go until she restores her inner worth.
How other languages say “let go” — and what it really means
| 语言 | 表达 | Literally | What it conveys |
|---|---|---|---|
| 英语 | Let you go / Set me free | Let me go / Free me | Respect for freedom |
| 德国 | Ich lasse dich gehen | I let you go | Acceptance, no scene |
| 法语 | Laisse-moi partir | Let me leave | Sadness, personal hurt |
| 西班牙语 | Déjame ir / No te vayas | Let me go / Don’t go | Passion, drama, struggle |
| 乌克兰 | Відпусти | Let go (imperative) | Pleading, inability to leave alone |
| 波兰语 | Pozwól mi odejść | Allow me to leave | Restrained respect |
| 阿拉伯语 | تركني (tarkni) | Leave me / Let me go | Harsh, but with inner pain |
📌 Even when words sound alike, meanings differ.
Culture, grammar, emotion — all encoded in one verb.
Age and farewell — not about years, but about experience
Some understand respect at 20.
Others, even at 50, still break others to feel needed.
But if you reach the point where you can say:
“Your choice is not my prison. I let you go.”
— then you have not lost.
You have stayed yourself.
The end — is not the end
Some will say: “You didn’t fight!”
You will say: “I did not destroy. Not you. Not me.”
See also:
🔗 A Woman Has No Age When She Is Beloved
🔗 Girl, Baby, Детка: one word — two worlds
🔗 Stop Memorizing. Start Thinking.
© Author’s development by Tymur Levitin — founder, director, and head teacher of Levitin Language School
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